To whom it may concern

I don't think I can do this anymore.

I don't have the strength to go on.

I don't have the willpower.

I am weak.

I don't see how there is any other option. I try again and again and always I fail. They loath me. They don't except me. I am rejected. I am dejected. I should be subtracted. I am a failure.
It's not like today is the first time I've thought about it. It's been plaguing me for some time now. Really, if you think about it, it should be easier for me... morally, that is. I don't have the annoyance of religion to give me troublesome moral judgment against such ideas. I'm not saying that it's a good thing. Far from it. Do you think I want this? That should be such an easy question... but I'm not really so sure anymore... I think perhaps I do want this, in some sick way. The idea of this new pain seems to me to be more bearable than the old one.

It would be so easy...

to just give in...

Part of me keeps trying to talk myself out of it, tell myself how irrational the mere thought of it is... but a bigger part of me, the weaker part ironically, keeps whispering in my secret inner ear, that the answer is just around the corner. All I have to do is go and claim it.

So easy...

So simple...


So the question is there. To elaborate on the immortal words of Hamlet, "To be, or not to be.... gay" Yes, that is the question, my friends. I cannot any longer handle the rejection of women. I think I shall turn to the dark side. Or the brighter side depending on how you look at it. I even know of one who would accept me, though I fear he only wants me for my body, I can't help the temptation.

So there, I've told you. It's said and cannot be unsaid. Judge me not.